Head Cheese

It’s a Fracking Good Life

By Mikey Tittinger

 

One person’s hydraulic fracturing is another’s “fracking”. Whatever you call it, extracting natural gas from the earth by injecting water, guar gum and chemicals is good fun.

 

Still, some wet blanket of a California lawmaker — Assemblyman Mike Gatto (D-Glendale) — wants a new label for food irrigated with “fracking water”. But anonymous agriculture experts counter there isn’t enough known about the topic. Good enough for me.

 

I like fracking. I like saying the word fracking. So much so that I’ve even made my top-10 list of Things to like Love About Fracking:

 

Tree huggers say the earth is an organism. I say what organism doesn’t feel better releasing gas?

 

Salty “brine” water is good after a workout.

 

More Matt Damon movies not named We Bought a Zoo.

 

More carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Breath deep, trees.

 

France banned fracking in 2001. Stick it, France.

 

Googling the word “fracking” is an easy excuse for your inappropriate search history.

 

Well water keeps warm in winter!

 

Cool new rock formations. Who has time for erosion?

 

You can keep wearing that t-shirt you bought from a hot sales girl while drunk: “I’d frack that!”

 

Something to talk about with Dick Cheney while in line at Tender Greens.

 

If you love fracking like this guy, tell Assemblyman Gatto. (And even if you don’t, he’d probably still listen to you.)

 

 

 

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